Ok, here is another blog filled with raw emotions and honesty. These past couple of days, I have really been struggeling with anxiety. I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder (which is being made worse because of being on and off of prednisone!!!!!) If you have ever dealt with this condition, you know how crippling it can be. Your heart starts pounding, your stomach often feels a bit queasy, every sound makes you feel as if you were about to implode. You don’t really want to be around people because you don’t want to say or do something you regret but you also don’t want to be by yourself, left alone with your emotions. I often feel as if I am in the midst of a storm and my thoughts are like crashing waves that I cannot control. As each wave pours over, I get the feeling I am going to drown.

The other day I was being hit with anxiety attack and I was praying to the Lord for help. He brought a certain story to mind, not necessarily one that I was expecting, but the Lord’s thoughts are completely different than ours. The Lord had told his disciples to get into their boat and go ahead of Him to the other side of the Sea of Galilee, while He dismissed the crowds He had been preaching to. The disciples followed orders, and started sailing. Little did they know, a violent storm awaited them. Their boat was being tossed and battered by the waves and the wind was against them. Doing everything possible to save themselves and their boat, they found themselves in a desperate situation. There was nothing they could do, for they could not control the forces of nature. Suddenly, in a distance they saw a figure walking on the water. Terrified, they thought they were seeing a ghost, and they cried out it fear. The Lord immediately spoke to them saying, “Take courage, it is I! Do not be afraid.” Peter then replied, “Lord, if it is really You, ask me to come to you on the water.” Jesus said, “Come!” So Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and went toward Jesus. When he saw the effects of the wind, he was terrified, and he started to sink. “Lord save me!”, he cried. The Lord then reached out, caught him, and said “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” When they got in the boat the storm stopped.

I often think of this story being about the Lord calming the sea, and Peters lack of faith, but the Lord gave me a different persepective this time. He showed me that when He asked Peter to come to Him, He had not calmed the storm yet. The waves were still roaring and the wind was howling. As long as Peter kept His eyes on Jesus, he was walking on the waves, even in the midst of the storm. It was when he looked at the circumstances around him, that he started to sink. The Lord spoke truth into my soul through this story. We are going to face storms, whether mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical. Often times we cry out to Jesus to calm the storm, but what He wants us to do is to walk in the midst of it, all the while keeping our eyes on Him. The storm may rage on, but that is ok because He is still sovereign! Your feelings may seem out of control, but keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, not letting your feelings rule your life but letting the King of the Universe rule your life. (Remembering that feelings often times do not equate with truth.) You may be hit with wave after wave in your job and the Lord is calling out to you to walk to Him. Take the step of faith. Remember that the Lord is your ultimate boss and He will take care of you no matter what circumstances may look like. You may be a mom, overwhelmed with the stress of raising kids that you love so very much, but more often then not make you feel like you want to pull your hair out! Remember who ultimately gave you the task of raising those kids and keep your eyes focused on Him. He may not calm the child- but he will help you to walk even in the storm. You may be filled with lonlieness, after the loss of a loved one, or even just feeling lonely because you are single. You feel as if you are going to drown in depression. Keep your eyes focused on the Lover of Your soul. Know you are not alone, and walk on.

My friend, your storm may not cease; waves may still crash, and the wind may still howl. I may have to live with anxiety for the rest of my life. You may be left with chronic pain or a hard to deal with child but the truth of the matter is that the Lord is still in control. Keep your eyes focused on Him and walk on your waves. Can you imagine what an awesome story it would have been if Peter would have kept focused on Jesus and made it to the other side! We have the opportunity to do just that. “Keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God’s throne.” Keep walking on dear friend, don’t look at the storm or listen to the wind, just focus on your Savior.