liv4hvn

“Though the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of oppression, yet your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will constantly see your Teacher.  Isaiah 30:20

Ok… I said I was going to be honest with you about the reality of my life… so here it goes.  The other day I was looking through old videos of my nephews when they were tiny.  Memories came flooding back and it brought my heart such joy.  Then it happened… I heard my voice in the background.  The memories of joy were replaced with dark thoughts.  “No wonder people stop and stare at you; you’re a freak.  Listen to your voice, you don’t even sound human.  You’re a monster.  Don’t open your mouth- it’s not worth it.  What good could come out of THAT?  I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself.”  At that moment I was in a battle with Satan and I had to combat him with the truth.  What is the truth though? 

The truth of the matter is that my voice is messed up.   The Lord, in His sovereignty has chosen to leave my voice broken.  It is not beyond His power to instantly restore my vocal chords and give me back what I have lost. If I am being honest, at times it feels like I am being disciplined and it seems very unfair that God allows me to live with such a hard trial.

There is an even greater truth though, and that is what the Lord is teaching me.  My broken voice was given to me as a gift.  Yes, you heard me right, a gift.  Jesus has chosen to bless me with the gift of brokenness.  I heard a quote from Charles Stanley where he said “Don’t judge God’s character by your circumstances, but judge your circumstances by God’s character.”  I can look at my situation one of two ways.  Satan wants me to think.. Your voice is so messed up and nothing good will ever come out of it.  God must be mad at you.  What an unjust God to leave your voice broken when He can restore it with one word. 

The other way of looking at it is through the lens of the truth of who God is.  God is a loving Father who promises to work out everything for our good and His glory.  He loved me so much that He did not even spare His own Son but willingly gave Him up on my behalf, so that I could be with Him for eternity.  The Lord sees things far beyond the moment.  He knows the future and He knows what is best for me.  Therefore, if God is loving, and if He always keeps His promises, and He is working for my eternal good then if He allowed my voice to be broken it is a gift. 

How can brokenness be a gift?  First of all, it helps me to see Jesus more clearly.  In my weakness I see Christ’s strength come through.  Through my tears I run into the arms of my Father and let Him hold me.  It is a gift to feel those strong hands lift you up when you don’t have the strength to stand.  Also, brokenness reiterates the fact that I am in desperate need of a Savior.  Without Jesus, my life would be a mess.  My situation would be hopeless and my brokenness would be for nothing.  The Lord, however, takes my brokenness and uses it as a platform to display HIs glory.  In His hands, broken things are made beautiful.

My friend, what has the Lord chosen to leave broken in your life?  Is it your health, your bank account, your dream of being married or having children?  Do you spend your time weeping over the shattered pieces as I have in the past?  Stop mourning and let Jesus show you the blessing of broken things.  Through brokenness Jesus reveals more of Himself and that is a gift beyond measure. 

Facebook sent me a memory today from something I had written 4 years ago.  I thought I would share it as the same thoughts ring true this year.

As I look back at 2014 there are things that i wouldn’t change and there are many things I would have done differently. For instance, there were opportunities for blessings that I wasted because I was just focused on the negatives in them. There were situations that didn’t turn out as I had planned therefore I deemed them as “disappointments”. I could have (should have) praised the Lord for the fact that He rerouted circumstances in the way that He knew was the best and therefore they were really “His appointments” and I had every reason to be thankful for them. There were many times I felt discouraged because of my physical, emotional, and spiritual weaknesses. I cried over the fact that I could not do things a normal 32 year old could do and I don’t have a “normal” life. I should have lifted up my heart and said “thank you Lord for my weakness, because in it I can see that Your grace is sufficient, for your power is made perfect in weakness.”
Now, as I stand on the dawn of this new year, I do not know what it holds but my prayer is, come what may- sorrows or joys, dreams fulfilled or hopes still yet to be realized- that my Savior will find me faithful and that I will praise Him simply because He is God and He is good. I pray I will make the most of every opportunity given me to glorify Him and win souls for the kingdom.